Top 5 Best and 5 Worst comebacks of all time

You’re a superstar. At the gay bar. Despite the Poetic wonder of Electric Six’s 2003 work ‘Gay Bar’, the band have one thing that none of the following acts in these 2 lists have- they haven't broken up (as of 2012). They are rock solid. On that nostalgic note of the wonder of those 2003 Rock pioneers, this week I am going to list the 5 worst comebacks in music-often caused by accountants reminding their clients that they have blown all their music dollars on lavish ornaments to put around their mansions and must now pretend they want to go back and ‘do it for the music and the fans, man’. I am also going to list the 5 best comebacks, just for a positive vibe, whereby we never expected our heroes to return, but not only did they reform but they also blew us away by being even bigger and better than before.

The 5 Worst Comebacks

5) Van Halen: MTV Video Music Awards 1996

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmy5RG3wXt4

I wont be making any jokes about 'Jumping' the Shark that's for sure. But when Van Halen bounced back into public consciousness in 1996 by reuniting not to perform but to announce the winner for Best Male Video at the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards, David Lee Roth proudly declared "this is the first time we've actually stood on stage together for over a decade". Everyone naturally thought this would mean they'd (when I say they'd I mean specifically Roth and Eddie Van Halen) start playing music together again. But it turns out that music sucks, who needs to play 'music' when you can bend the rules and claim to have a reunion by simply standing awkwardly on a stage presenting an award to someone you don't care about. Luckily Van Halen's formula for a reunion doesn't work; weeks later Roth claimed he was an unwitting participant in a publicity stunt orchestrated by Van Halen, to which EVH replied with "Thank you for reminding us why we broke up with you eleven years ago". They're such a big gang of grown-ups that Van Halen lot.

4) Guns N Roses: MTV Music Awards 2002

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjWTD6x--Vc

Turn around Bitch I’ve got a use for you, besides you haven’t got anything better to do, and I’m bored. The poet laureate standard of lyrics we came to know and love from Axl Rose, who in 1994 disappeared off the face of the earth for 8 years. When he returned in 2002 at the MTV Music Awards with none of the original line-up but with a man with a fucking KFC bucket on his head playing guitar, everyone was naturally disappointed but not really surprised. Axl had transformed from an aggressive, stage commanding, fresh faced handsome rebel to a dreadlocked tubby middle aged man who couldn't sing or remember how to look cool on stage. Rose is still dragging the Guns N Roses name through the mud with poor live performances which still include coming on stage hours late, and the disappointing Chinese Democracy, which only took 14 years to make.

3) The Doors: 2000 and 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW3J9gjutS4

Going to see the Doors without Jim Morrison would be a bit like drinking non-alcoholic beer-a complete waste of your time and money. When young Jim passed away in the tub in 1971, it was generally thought that to respect Jim’s legacy and the bands honour (and because nobody would be interested) they would never reunite. Sadly in 2002 the band forgot that everyone in the 60's turned up for the Lizard King Morrisson, not the Keyboard playing nerd Ray Manzarek, and they toured under the name The Doors of the 21st Century. Original man on the skins John Densmore took his psychedelic chums to the cleaners via the American legal system and they had to change their name to Riders on the Storm. Recently old bespectacled Manzarek has been heard saying enchanted things such as “I like to say this is the first new Doors track of the 21st century” of the new song he recorded with…SKRILLEX!!  Luckily I think somehow that Jim Morrison’s vocals on Break on Through(To the Other Side) will likely long outlive any Skrillex ft. Ray Manzarek collab.

2) Sex Pistols: Filthy Lucre Tour 1996

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0__zA7SJ2g

Many bad things happened in 1996. 2Pac was murdered. Linkin Park were formed. Arnold Schwazneggers Jingle All the Way was released and has been repeatedly shown on television every year since then. Oh and one of the most important bands of the 20^th century reunited. But this wasn't anarchy in the UK. It was a bunch of sweaty middle-aged men, (of course minus the member who actually signified everything that Punk meant, the late Sid Vicious), wanting more money to pay for the extensions on their mansions in Surrey. You see the Pistols had only ever released one album, and despite it being one of the most iconic and pioneering Rock albums of the 20th century, a discography that only includes one studio album isn't exactly going to lead you to becoming Scrooge McDuck swimming in all those golden coins. So it was all for money, money for all. It was less Punk than Camilla Parker Bowles' napkin collection. Rotten has made selling out into a sport now too, getting into the anarchic spirit by selling Butter in tv adverts dressed as a farmer.

1) Led Zeppelin: Live Aid 1985

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAbtH0GNbkw

Who can quite forget Live Aid. Freddie Mercury’s incredible performance with Queen. All the members of Band Aid reuniting and singing do they know its Christmas in the middle of summer. Bob Geldof swearing his tits off. 1.9 billion people across 150 nations watched the bugger. At the JFK Stadium there was an exorbitant amount of excitement, as Led Zeppelin were about to play their first live show since arguably the greatest drummer of all time John Bonham had died 5 years previous, and were going to play with Phil Collins, one of the most famous drummers in the world at the time, so famous in fact he had jetted between Wembley and JFK to play at both Live Aid events. What could go wrong? Everything is the answer to that. The band members not playing in time with each other, Jimmy Page clearly being off his tits and having an out of tune guitar, the sound being terrible, the monitors not working properly, Phil Collins clearly having never played with the band before, Robert Plant’s voice cracking even in the first song…the list goes on. It could have been a school band playing the songs. It was so bad the band didn’t allow the footage to be used on the Live Aid DVD 19 years later, claiming it was a “sub-standard performance”, and the experience was so bad it has scared them off from performing live, only reuniting on stage a handful of times since the performance.

The 5 Best Comebacks

5) Pink Floyd: Live 8 2005

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jySUpMqmzd4

Yes Roger Waters was clearly forcing himself to smile throughout, and yes they clearly still haven't ironed out their differences. But when Pink Floyd reunited in 2005 for a one-off reunion concert, it was for once not motivated by money like the majority of superstar reunions are, but instead it was a the rare reunion kind of kindred brother-hood, with all the members showing up (obviously apart from Syd Barrett who'd gone crazy 35 years earlier) and despite sharing more time in the court room than on the stage in the build-up to the event, and looking more like bankers on their day off than the Rock stars they looked like in the 70's, Pink Floyd put on an amazing and epic show that blew everyone away, the emotion of the day melting away the hostility in the band, and, as probably last concerts go, this is one of the best there is.

4) Blur: Hyde Park 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe4s1MmX6us

When Brit-Pop legends Blur reunited on stage for the first time in 6 years, the 50,000 tickets for the concert at Hyde Park sold out in 10 minutes. There were thousands of fans who missed out on tickets. I was one of them, and yes I am bitter and I do hold grudges. Nonetheless I cannot shy away from the fact that incredibly the now dad-rockers somehow conjured up a tidal wave of energy which crashed down and swamped their audience, and rightly so achieved sheer veneration from their fans in return. It is remarkable that their best moment as a band was their first gig after a 6 year break, and its unlikely such a Rock band will ever achieve such perfection with a comeback performance. Song 2 is probably still ringing in the audiences ears 3 years on.

3) Roy Orbison: Travelling Wilbury's/Mystery Girl 1988

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eb9e3rokvJE

Roy Orbison reached the pinnacle of his career in 1964, with his most famous song Oh Pretty Woman. He was a pioneering Rockabilly singer, had a great voice, and generally looked bloody cool. But Like I said, 1964 was the pinnacle. After a series of tragedies in his life, and along with the rise of the psychedelic movement,  Orbison quickly became forgotten and unfashionable. But in a bizarre combo of events in the late 1980’s he shot back to the top. David Lynch used Orbison’s song In Dreams in the film Blue Velvet (against Orbison’s wishes) and in turn they together made a video for the song for MTV, and this was followed by Orbison collaborating with Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne to form the The Traveling Wilburys. This all gave Orbison tremendous exposure, and briefly he was a mega-star again, only sadly this period was cut short as he died in 1988, the pressure of being shot from a canon back into stardom clearly taking its toll on the 52 year old Orbison’s health.

2) Johnny Cash: American IV: The Man Comes Around 2002

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho

When Cash returned out of nowhere in 2002, people weren't expecting too much. A respected icon of Country Music, Cash was seen as something of the past. But when he released a cover Nine Inch Nails song Hurt, from the last album before his death American IV: The Man Comes Around, it touched such a chord with the music public that it re-shot him to the superstar status that the legend enjoyed in the 1960’s. One of the finest swansongs in music, the album, consisting largely of covers, is both haunting and beautiful, his gravelly and wonderfully aged voice giving songs Hurt, Personal Jesus, and Danny Boy a new lease of life and in his terms, a new meaning. A final album is unlikely to ever be released in such a way again, or achieve the same purpose or feeling that Cash managed to do did in his final days,

1) Elvis Pressley: Comeback Special 1968

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6iAJ_X9X5g

Elvis may have died 10 years later in embarrassing circumstances, having ballooned in size whilst having shrunk in musical stature, but if you watch his comeback, his first time on stage in 7 years, you will get goosebumps every time. Elvis’s career had been on a downwards slope during the 60’s, his music being buried by the Beatles’s led British Invasion and psychedelic Rock such as The Doors and Jimi Hendrix. He spent a lot of the 60’s appearing in dud movies largely all with the same plot and terrible songs. For this comeback performance in 1968, The oppressive Col. Parker had made plans for Elvis to sing dull Christmas numbers in the same form that he had to perform in his movies. However Elvis rebelled. He dressed in black, and bought back the moves and blues music of his early career, and for a brief moment re-lit the fire that had made Elvis a legend in the first place. Elvis was back. It may have been short lived and his decline into the abyss did accelerate after this, but for a man that so many across the world still have an extreme veneration for, it was a triumphant moment of music and television history. 

Foo Fighters: Rank the albums

Will someone give that man some bloody rope. Ahhh yeh, its another generic ranking list of a Stadium Rock band that many people love and many people also hate due to their undisputed popularity. Dave Grohl’s band are just about as famous as chips, so I’m ranking their 7 studio albums from least best to best. George Best. He’s my favourite Best.

7) One By One 

(2002)

Don’t let the fact that it contains one of their best songs, All My life, deceive you into believing this albums a corker; it is actually by far their weakest record. It would have been a lot better if they had just released the first 4 songs on the album as an E.P.; songs such as Burn Away and Halo are so tame and weightless it’s a huge surprise Grohl even allowed for them to be released, and the album as a whole lacks the drive that all the other Foo Fighters albums seem to have. As Grohl put it himself, “four of the songs were good, and the other seven I never played again in my life”.

6) In Your Honor 

(2005)

Can you hear me? Hear me screaming? Yes we can hear you screaming Dave. The opening lyrics of this double album give you a very good impression of what the first half is going to sound like: heavy, loud, brash, in deep contrast to the second half, which contains soft, melodic acoustic numbers. The acoustic side is a lot better than the heavier one; What If I Do?, Friend of a Friend, and Virginia Moon are just lovely, and there’s a lot more consistency in the mellow tracks than there is in the heavy ones, which largely sound like a Grohl being locked in a room for an hour whilst suffering from an extreme mental breakdown. Of course the epic Best of You will always be the song that motivates you to run up that steep hill at the end of your weekly run, Resolve is a decent tune and In Your Honour is a cracking opening track, but for the only time in a Foo Fighters album, the weakness is the heavy tunes.

5) Foo Fighers 

(1995)

Whilst in Nirvana Grohl held back loads of material he wrote because he didn’t want to interfere with the Cobain-led songwriting dynamic. After Cobain died Davey G tried to release this album anonymously, but inevitably the excitement of the Nirvana drummer releasing an album on which he played all the instruments and sang on caught the Rock world’s attention and everybody found out it was him. Ok it wasn’t exactly George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass, but it was a decent first go by Grohl, Good Grief, Exhausted and I’ll Stick Around particular highlights, but some of the songs clearly aren’t that serious and some of the track changing is bordering on ridiculous, particularly following the intensely aggressive and heavy song Oh, George with the mellow country bluesy song For All the Cows. But for a guy sitting in a record studio and writing and recording his own songs in a non-serious way for the first time, its not a bad album at all.

4) Wasting Light 

(2011)

Yeh lets go and record this album in my garage said Dave. Lets not use computers said Dave. Lets have 3 guitarists on this album said Dave. God Dave’s so demanding. Many could have been sceptical about Grohl’s methods in the lead up to this album, but their heaviest album yet was actually pretty darn decent. Fierce, hard-hitting and loud, this album is everything that the heavy side of In Your Honour isn’t; consistent. From the opening track Bridge Burning, you know what you’re going to get, fast paced drums, a barrage of guitars and Grohls loud wailing. The album is successful in that even though it sticks with purely head bangers throughout, it still manages to harness an emotional side, reflecting on life and death, and tracks such as I Should Have Known, (a track with hints about Grohl's feelings concerning Cobain), Walk, and These Days are particular highlights, and if you've ever had a bad day, put White Limo on very loud, and you may just feel a little better. It may just be one of the heaviest best sellers of all time- and you can only respect Grohl’s ‘nothing left to lose’ (sorry) approach to the recording of Wasting Light.

3) Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

 (2007)

Ohhh controversial. I say this as the typical Foo Fighters nerd doesn’t always seem to rank this album too highly, but I think its brilliant. The reason I think the album is so successful is rather than bluntly separating the heavy and softer songs of their previous album In Your Honor, it this time married them into a perfect harmony, and resulted in some spectacular songs such as Let It Die and Come Alive, which both perfectly build up tension by starting off slight and melodic and until by the end have exploded into extreme head nodding territory. The softer songs are even better than the ones on In Your Honour- the dark but also beautiful Stranger Things Have Happened, the emotional piano led Home and the infectious and blissful Statues. It of course contains the obligatory lead single that all Foo Fighters albums seem to have Pretender, a goose bump hair raising rock yarn, and despite the un-catchy and un-memorably long album name, this album has the heart that was lacking on some of their previous albums, and this is as rounded a Foo Fighters as you’re going to get.

2) There is Nothing Left To Lose

 (1999)

Someone gave Mr Grohl a guitars effects pedal for this album, and it worked absolute wonders. Their most Pop-Rock album, There is Nothing Left to Lose was a departure from their previous work- softer vocals, more melodies, and guitar effects absolutely everywhere. But it was brilliant. Grohl’s force as a song-writer is probably most strongest in this album, taking a more relaxed, easy-going, laid-back type approach, but with great effect, producing songs that are nice and easy on the ears, particularly Learn To Fly (easily their best video too), Generator (where Grohl had to sing with a tube in his mouth), the stunningly blissful Ain’t It the Life, and the incredibly epic Aurora, a melancholic and graceful tune which slowly builds up to an epic drum and guitar duel. The head bangers are few and far between, but the ones that are there are impressive and involve the first track Stacked Dead Actors, an enjoyably aggressive and angry anti-Hollywood song (many believe the song is also about Courtney Love) and last track M.I.A., and first single Breakout. Taylor Hawkins first album on the tin cans is remarkably impressive; if Dave Grohl was going to give up playing the skins on his albums he would have to be replaced by someone with extraordinary talent, and luckily Hawkins drums are epic, with Snare solo’s absolutely everywhere. This was the first album where it wasn’t Dave Grohl’s Foo Fighters playing Dave’s songs; they were the band Foo Fighters playing Foo Fighters songs. The result is absolutely marvellous, a memorable piece of melodic Pop-Rock, a blissful piece of work that is one of the finest showcases as to why they are one of the biggest and most popular bands in the world.

 1) The Colour and the Shape 

(1997)

This was tough; it was incredibly hard to adjudicate whether this was better than There Is Nothing Left To Loose or not. But I think what just about tips this album over the edge is the quality of certain individual songs which have made the Foo Fighters name. Although There is Nothing Left To Loose may be more consistent, it is the pleasant black sheep, the On Her Majesty’s Secret Service of the Foo Fighters discography, and The Colour and the Shape is what most fans would want from a Foo Fighters album, containing several of their best songs. Lets go from the start. Grohl ropes you in with a tepid and slow song Doll, and just when you think ‘hang on, are we about to be listening to an easy-listening quiet album’ BAM Monkey Wrench picks you up and throws you against the wall, and the album is off and running. The album has several highlights, and defines the bands effective soft-to-loud formula, with the classic and beautiful Everlong, probably their best song ever written, being an archetype of this formula. My Hero is a thudding and emotive tribute to the ordinary man, February Stars showcases Grohl’s talent as a singer for the first time, and New Way Home is in my opinion one of the best album closers I’ve ever heard, with Grohl letting us know in no uncertain terms that he’s not scared anymore. See You and Walking After You are impressive pop songs showing Foo Fighters weren’t all about the screaming. The album was such a unique and impressive collection of songs, and one which many young Rock fans often look to when they are learning of and getting into Rock Music. The album showed Grohl had a heart and decent vocals, and that all in all rather than just being ‘the drummer from Nirvana’ Grohl had now defined himself as a respected song-writer and front man.

The biggest acts that couldn’t crack America

Last week everyone was captivated by the American election, so I’ve decided to desperately cling on to the rapidly disappearing mist that has followed the most important election on earth and do a top 10 list of the biggest acts from the UK that could never crack America. Some are pioneering and brilliant; others are tacky and soulless. Either way, they all largely have one thing in common- they are huge around the world except in Uncle Sam’s homeland. I’ll also decide whether the US missed out on the act, or if it was for their benefit that they never cracked America.

 10) Oasis

Alright Oasis aren’t unknowns in the US-they sold out Madison Square Garden in 2008, three of their albums ((What’s the Story) Morning Glory?, Be Here Now and Dig Out Your Soul) made the top 5 in the Billboard Top 200, and out of all the Brit-Pop groups of the 1990’s they by far made the biggest impression on the US. However, despite their huge arena tour success around the world, and having an incredible run of consecutive 22 top 10 hits in the UK, like football they have never achieved the same megastar status in the US that they did in the rest of the world, and apart from the bands moderate cult following there, most recognise them as one hit wonders with Wonderwall. They didn’t help their cause when in 1996, at a time when they were rapidly grabbing the States public consciousness, had a disastrous American tour which included Liam Gallagher frequently walking off stage, abusing members of the audience for being American, and refusing to take part in large parts of the tour, and sadly they could never claw back the potential veneration of which they held in the rest of the world.

Did the US miss out?- YES. The US missed out on the carnage of the Gallagher Brothers, Liam with his hilarious and un-ashamed arrogance and ice cool stage presence, and Noel’s undisputable talent as a song writer.

9) The Libertines

Pete Doherty’s now more famous for having for having taken enough drugs to fill the Grand Canyon (ye there we go a horrible and weak American themed metaphor). However when the Libertines broke into public consciousness in the early 2000s, they helped start off an indie craze which influenced the sound and fashion of several bands that spawned in the UK in the decade just gone, and were integral to the Garage-Rock revival. Doherty and guitarist Carl Barat were the poster boys of all this Indie, but unfortunately had such a dysfunctional relationship due to Doherty’s erratic and nonsensical behaviour that they were never going to be a functional enough band to make it big in the States. Not that they probably care. Their songs about the grit in British life were unlikely to register with the mainstream American listening public. They are a quintessential British band and their legacy on the Former British Empire’s music scene in the 2000s will remain forever important.

Did the US miss out?- YES. There were a lot of Indie bands in the US last decade too, a fair amount who weren’t very good, whereas the Libertines, although not with the largest output (2 albums) nevertheless have a great collection of songs which are well worth a listen too.

8) Manic Street Preachers

In a career that has stretched for the last 20 years… probably Wales most famous band… they've have had 8 top 10 albums in the UK… this could be the start to a movie trailer about the Manic Street Preachers, but it’s actually just the start to my summary, restricted to one paragraph, about how in my opinion the Manic Street Preachers are the 8^th biggest band not to crack America. These Cardiff lads gained popularity in the early 90’s due to their early Glam Punk (yes that is such a genre)  influenced work, before moving onto more broader Rock where they couldn't get enough of talking about Social and Political things so put a lot of that kind of stuff in their lyrics, which many people like them for. Despite their popularity in the UK however, they’re barely even heard of in the US. They didn't even bother touring there between 1999-2009, and their albums have never charted there either. Even the mysterious disappearance of guitarist Richey Edwards in 1994, which has fascinated rock fans for years, still hasn't caught the Americans attention.

Did the US miss out?- YES. If they could watch footage of the Manics performing at the 02 Arena in 2011, performing all 38 of their singles, seeing 16,000 fans singing in unison, they will see a band that has perfected the performance of Arena-Rock.

7) The Jam

Centre of the Mod-Revival in the 1970’s, mixing Punk with 60’s Mod music, legends The Jam were superstars in the 70s, and had a huge impact on British music during the decade of their existence. The Jam had 18 consecutive Top 40 singles in the United Kingdom, including four number 1s, and their singles That's Entertainment and Just Who Is the Five O’Clock Hero are the bestselling import singles of all time in the UK. However they never made the same impact in the US as they did in Britain, with not one of their songs entering the top 40 in the United States, and their highest charting album, Sound Affects, only reached number 72. With their smart tailored suits, Mod haircuts, and 60’s influenced Punk Rock the Jam are an exemplary example of British Rock Music, and it is their distinguishable identity as British Mod Rockers that may be the reason the US never took on the music icons.

Did the US miss out?- YES. Of course they did the Jam had such an impact on British music and they are still heavily influential today in music and fashion terms. It is unlikely, however, that their heavily British leanings would have ever have caught America’s imagination.

6) Status Quo

And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it I li-li-li-like it, li-li-li-li. Am I talking jibberish? Morse Code? No, it’s the genius lyrics from one of Status Quo’s 2 biggest hits, Rockin’ All Over the World, the other being Whatever You Want. Here are some absolutely mental stats: they’ve had 60 chart hits in the UK, more than any other rock group. They’ve headlined festivals for the last 30 years. They’ve sold 120 Million records world-wide, are the 22^nd biggest selling British act of all time, selling more than well-known acts in the US such as The Who, Black Sabbath, even the Spice Girls. They’ve somehow done this using only 3 chords. Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt are immortalised as Dad-Rock pioneers, and have amassed a vast array of hits somehow without ever being remotely cool. Turns out that the phenomenon of men with ponytails that wear waist coats and dance on one leg whilst playing an air guitar is actually pretty darn popular and makes a lot of money.

Did the US miss out?- NO. I get the feeling that in some parts of the Mid-West and especially in the Deep-South Status Quo would be appreciated for their 12 bar-blues waistcoat whiskey drinking leanings, but they never had enough niche or coolness to break into the US mainstream.

5) T-Rex

T-Rex frontman Marc Bolan was the archetypal 70’s Rock Star. He was handsome, had big wild hair, wore thick layers of eyeliner and sung about having sex, taking drugs and driving cars, including a “Rolls Royce, because its good for my voice” (ironically he couldn’t actually drive, although did sadly die in a car crash when he was 29). T-Rex were huge in the UK, and are still a big influence here today, their songs often covered by bands as a crowd pleaser, their riffs being recycled in other songs (a prime example being the Oasis tune Cigarettes and Alcohol) and being played on beer adverts, but like their much less talented and cool cousin Slade, they never broke into the US mainstream, their only notoriety when Get It On made it to number 10 on the US Billboard 100, thus consigning them to the one hit wonder bracket, which is rather unfortunate because they were actually a very decent band with a huge number of catchy tunes.

Did the US miss out?- YES. T-Rex were a fantastic band and have a great back catalogue of Bluesy tunes, Marc Bolan’s style and stage presence was copied numerous times by musicians both sides of the pond the following decade.

4) Slade

Who are Slade? In the UK most people under the age of 25 know them only for that now almost haunting annual Christmas romp Merry Xmas Everybody which came out in 1973. Turns out the Glam Rock band were actually very successful in the 1970’s in Britain, the old howling Wolverhampton Rock being a winning formula, obtaining 17 consecutive Top 20 hits and six number ones, and they are the most successful British group of the 1970s based on sales of singles. They did try ever so hard to crack America, relocating there for several years to focus on cracking Mother Democracy, and even toured with Aerosmith at one point. Unfortunately America never took them in, Noddy Holder’s howls of ‘we’ll bring the house down’ never catching their attention.

Did the US miss out- NO. Slade’s sound is very much stuck in the 70s. They did have some decent tunes, like Coz I Luv You, Everyday, and How Does It Feel, but they were never really cool enough to catch America’s attention, and in the past being cool is usually the first requirement for a British band to get America’s attention.

3) Robbie Williams

Oh how many times has poor old Robert tried to crack America. Here’s some facts for you- He is one of the best-selling artists world-wide having sold over 70 Million records, he’s the best-selling British solo artist in the United Kingdom AND the bestselling non-Latino artist in Latin America, and entered the The Guinness Book of World Records in 2006 after he sold 1.6 million tickets in one day for his world tour. Yet not one of the 50 States in America has ever been close to being interested, he’s never even made the top 40. He’s tried absolutely every promotional activity conceivable: appearances on more chat shows that I knew existed, huge billboard posters letting everyone know exactly when and where his albums are going to be released plastered across the country, and even advertising his albums on American TV.  He’s probably even tried running through Times Square naked with a sandwich board on. But the US never got wind of the annoyingly smug rogue that the rest of the world seemed to, and even if he stood by his new release in Walmart he’d probably still not get recognised.

Did the US miss out?- No. He did have some decent Pop tunes that mainstream America probably would have enjoyed in that very brief wave (I say wave, probably more puddle) of British pop appearing on the US charts such as the Spice Girls in the 1990s, but nevermind. I’m sure Robbie will settle for Angels being played at the first dance of weddings and at funerals for the rest of time.

2) The Kinks

One of the most influential bands of all time, with one of the best songwriters of all time in Ray Davies, the Kinks were early on a part of the British Invasion. Legendary song You Really Got Me made the top 10 in the US, and was incredibly influential towards the American Garage Rock Scene, and its distorted guitar was a pioneering influence on the rebellious Rock Music that increasingly grew in the 60s. However, after the American Federation of Musicians banned them from touring for four years because of supposedly "rowdy on-stage behaviour", it effectively cut them off from the wave of British Invasion bands hitting America, and majorly slowed down the momentum of their growing popularity in the US, with the legendary tune See My Friends charting only at 111 in 1965, and one of the best rock songs of all time Waterloo Sunset not even charting at all. In the midst of the ban, The Kinks music was becoming increasingly British, the song writing becoming more introspective and influenced by British Country and Folk, rather than being influenced by the musical and social upheavals that were occurring in the late 60’s, which many popular bands were being influenced of at the time, and many believe this is what alienated the Kinks from their US fans who appreciated their earlier music. The Kinks will never garner the respect or popularity that The Beatles or the Rolling Stones get in the US, however nevertheless their influence on Rock Music on both sides of the pond is invaluable,  and always will be.

Did the US miss out?- YES. If the ban wouldn't have happened they would almost certainly have the superstar status which they have across the world. The Kinks were pioneers of Rock Music, taking it to places it had never been before, and it’s a shame that during their golden era of writing incredible songs they were banned from touring in the US.

1) Cliff Richard

In the UK we haven’t been able to get away from him for the last 50 years. He’s old, clearly senile and very, very creepy. Yet every decade he crops up somehow, reminding us that some people, despite ageing 10 years, do not change. You’d usually have to pay me to be anywhere close to Chris Evans, but 15 years ago when he was campaigning for Virgin Radio to stop playing his songs, I would have been right there brothers in arms protesting with him. However, despite my obvious beef, he’s sold an astonishing 240 million records worldwide. He’s the 5^th biggest selling British recording artist of all time. He’s a Knight of the Realm. He’s been in show business for so long the copy-write for his early tunes was going to run out so he got it extended so he still gets royalties until 2033. He’s outlived several of his pop star contemporaries and has one of the most famous and irritatingly catchy Christmas songs in the UK ever. Who is this old git most Americans under 40 would question. There’s a good reason why they would ask this. It’s because thankfully for them he’s never come close to cracking the land of freedom, achieving just 8 Top 40 singles in the US, and unless there’s anyone who has a recording of him appearing on the Ed Sullivan show in the 60’s once, it’s unlikely that they’ll ever find out who he is. To be fair to him, his early stuff he did with The Shadows was decent Rock n Roll, back when he was marketed as Britain’s answer to Elvis Pressley, a rebel type figure. But that was just the foam on top of the pint of a music career that has lasted over half a century. He’ll be the only person to live on this planet that will sell 240 million records, yet be able to walk down Sunset Boulevard without being noticed.

Did the US miss out?- NO. Apart from his early work with the Shadows, which some have argued opened the door for British Rock n Roll, they have not missed out at all. Obviously his more Gospel music would go down well in the Bible Belt type places, but on a mainstream level I think he is without doubt the most famous musician to have never cracked America.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Rank the albums

The mammoth task of ranking the Red Hot Chili Peppers albums is my mission this week. Love them or loathe them, the Chili’s discography is so large that there is usually at least one song that someone likes. Whether it’s the LA Funk Rock of their early albums, the darker, heavier sound of One Hot Minute, or the plush melodic sound of their modern music, there is something in there somewhere for everyone. I’m not including greatest hits or live albums otherwise we’d be here forever, so here are the Red Hot Chili Peppers 10 studio albums, ranked from worst to best.

10)   The Red Hot Chili Peppers

(1984)

The first offering by the Chili Peppers was their first showcase of RHCP's raw LA funk to the music world. Like the majority of bands who have yet to master their craft, it wasn’t their strongest. The songs on the album don’t particularly string together, and Andy Gill’s glossed over production doesn't capture the raw funk sound they were known for on the local LA scene at the time, and is another example of a great live band unable to capture their sound successfully onto record. Highlights include the two singles Get Up and Jump, a fast paced slap bass comb over, and True Men Don’t Kill Coyotes, a song with a deep groove and catchy chorus.

9) Mothers Milk

(1989)

John Frusciante’s first album was hijacked by producer Michael Beinhorn, who moved Frusciante towards heavy guitar riffs of the ilk of mainstream rock of the late 80’s, and overlooked his gifted melodic sound, perhaps delaying the much better Blood Sex Sugar Magik. It lacks any sense of funk that their previous album The Uplift Mofo Party Plan achieved, and with thudding basic drums and guitars, excessive distortion, and Kiedis locked in indecision about the direction he wants to take his voice, the album is largely unsatisfactory throughout. Although a landmark album as it was the Red Hot Chili Peppers early breakthrough to the public consciousness, as well as Frusciante and Smiths first album, it is an awkward marriage of Funk and 80’s Metal, and it could quite easily be forgotten.

8) Freaky Styley

(1985)

Produced by Funk legend George Clinton, the Chili’s second album managed to more successfully capture the gritty, raw, funky sound which they failed to do in their first album. It was guitarist Hillell Slovak’s first recorded album with the Chili’s, and his signature groovy riffs brings Freaky Styley up a level from their first album. The songs have a much wilder and rough tone than their debut, with a prevalent brass section throughout the album. However, like their first album, Freaky Styley still lacks cohesion, and at times appears unfocused, which is understandable considering that the album was recorded in a studio containing a huge fog of drugs, so much so George Clinton’s drug dealer at the time makes a cameo appearance in the last track Yertle the Turtle, a cover of the Dr Seuss poem, reciting in the intro and near the end in a montone fashion “Look at that turtle go, bro”. The lyrics, although at times humorous, often largely focused graphically on sex, and Kiedis still appears uncomfortable with his singing voice. The album’s fun and funky, but not their best by a long shot.

7) Stadium Arcadium

(2006)

Frusciante’s last album with RHCP was an ambitious double album and was their first ever debut at the US Billboard number 1. With 28 tracks there is a mix of styles influenced by the different sounds of the Chili Peppers throughout the years, and there are some right beauties such as Especially in Michigan, Hard to Concentrate and Strip My Mind, as well as Dani California, which played loud, with its punching drums, is a great kick start to the summer. As with most double albums however, the album lacks cohesion, particularly in the context of its predecessor By The Way, and there is a few tracks on the album which are certainly B-side material, as well as certain tracks such as 21^st Century which start off promising but seem to lack an effective chorus and therefore seem slightly messy. There are certainly highlights on the album, but as the archetypal argument goes with double-albums, it could have been so much better if they had whittled the album down and just focused on their best material.

6) I’m With You

(2011)

When John Frusciante quit the Red Hot Chili Peppers after Stadium Arcadium, the band could have quite easily just packed it in. There was not much else to achieve as a band and they weren’t getting any younger. To loose a musician as talented as Frusciante, such an important dynamic of their sound, should have been wounding. However, with the recruitment of their touring guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, their first album post Frusciante is surprisingly good. A more stripped down basic sound allowed the Chili Peppers freedom to experiment with several different musical styles, which lead to a captivating and varied album. Highlights of the album include the beautiful Police Station, pumpers Look Around and Monarchy of Roses, and hands down one of the best ever Chili Peppers songs- Brendan’s Death Song: a beautiful and haunting tribute to their friend Brendan Mullen.

5) One Hot Minute

(1995)

When RHCP fans and critics were made to wait 4 years after Blood Sugar Sex Magik, expectations were sky high. With Frusciante having left, Dave Navarro was in on guitar, therefore completely changing the tone of the RHCP sound. Fans looking for the Funk Rock of their previous albums were to be left disappointed, as Navarro’s heavier and darker sound is prevalent across the whole album, and therefore several critics thumbed it down as a disappointing follow up. But in retrospect, I think One Hot Minute is actually a pretty decent album. If you take it for what it is on its own, there are many highlights, the crunching riffs of the opener Warped, Flea’s irresistible bass on Aeroplane and Falling Into Grace, and the epic track Deep Kick, a forgotten gem chronicling Kiedis’s and Flea’s past exploits, which should be played very loud. Like Weezer’s Pinkerton, I think One Hot Minute could one day be seen retrospectively as a decent album, it’s just a bit different.

4) Californication

(1999)

The album which spearheaded the Red Hot Chili Peppers modern softer sound, Californication was a triumph on several levels. A bruised and battered John Frusciante re-joined on guitar, and despite not being back to his technical best yet, his simplistic style worked well on the album, such as his haunting riffs on Californication, and Otherside, and was a perfect fit for the band who were undergoing a spiritual regrowth. Kiedis’s vocals were by far the best they had ever been so far, reaching a new found soulfulness and impressive melodic range. There is still an element of Funk Rock in the album to satisfy older Chili Pepper fans, but the album was generally an entire refreshment of their sound which opened them up to a vast new fan base worldwide. With the album containing the most hit singles of any of their other albums, with tracks such as Scar Tissue, Around the World, Parallel Universe, Otherside, Californication, and Road Trippin’, it boggles the mind that when record executives first heard Californication, they disliked it.

3) The Uplift Mofo Party Plan

(1987)

The Uplift Mofo Party Plan was the Chili Peppers prototype of the Funk-Rock sound that they had been striving to record successfully in their first 2 albums. Working with producer Michael Beinhorn, who encouraged the band to diversify their sound and step out of their comfort zone, the result was a fantastic culmination of swinging grooves, crunching hard-core and funky riffs, and a general commentary of the gritty lifestyles that many young people led in 1980s Los Angeles. Me & My Friends is still a staple of RHCP’s live performances, Behind the Sun is a fantastic melodic and tuneful song, and the album is Hillel Slovak’s finest work, containing fast paced and at times aggressive guitar riffs, best showcased in No Chump Love Sucker. If you want a best example of the Red Hot Chili Peppers pre-fame period, The Uplift Mofo Party Plan is by far their strongest work, a cohesive collection of 1980’s LA Rock.

2) By The Way

(2002)

With John Frusciante in the song-writing driving seat and back on form, By The Way is a beautifully melodic and emotional album. Track for track the album is superb, taking you on a colourful and emotional journey. Frusciante’s textured guitar, gentle harmonies and melodic drive was combined with Kiedis’s honest lyrics which reflected on the feeling of falling in love, as well as beating drug addiction. Kiedis’s vocals reach an emotional tenderness they had never reached before, with beautifully crafted tracks such as Dosed, I Could Die For You, This Is The Place, and Don’t Forget Me. Although the album clearly diverges from their earlier funk sound, songs like Can’t Stop, Throw Away Your Television, and By The Way feature a heavier sound to satisfy the old guard, whereas tracks such as On Mercury and Cabron diverge from the Chili’s style completely with Latin influences in the latter. Venice Queen is the best ending to any Chili Peppers album, an anthemic and pounding tribute to Kiedis’ drug therapist and friend Gloria Scott. The lush and dulcet sound throughout By The Way showcased Frusciante at his artistic best, and is by far the Chili’s most refined collection of songs, an album which is unique and triumphant in tone and emotional melodic drive.

 1)      Blood Sugar Sex Magik

 (1991)

Yeh of course it is- and why wouldn’t it be- Blood Sugar Sex Magik is the Chili Peppers at their best, an album that is of such high quality, an album which left a long lasting legacy, and an album that they’ve never quite been able to reach the same standards of. Probably the best example of their unique Funk-Rock sound, the album is still influential today and is credited with a being a big part of the alternative rock explosion of the early 1990’s. It was their first album produced with Rick Rubin, a man they’ve stuck with to this day, his ‘less is more’ approached worked wonders on the Chili Pepper’s sound, resulting in more melodically driven tunes whilst still retaining their Funk and Punk Rock influences. Frusciante was let loose and his blending of styles and genre’s is influential throughout the album, combining Soul-Funk and Blues style guitar in at times a harsh raw manner. The legacy left by the album as a landmark of 90’s Alternative Rock is undisputed. A song such as the beat centric Give It Away had never been played on mainstream radio before, Under the Bridge is a classic rock song and a staple of 90’s Rock, and is a song which still wrings its influence today, with its blend of lyrics based on loneliness and despair juxtaposed with uplifting and soft guitar riffs. The album contains a number of irresistibly funky tracks such as Funky Monks, If You Have to Ask, and The Righteous & The Wicked, and Mellowship Slinky in B Major which were a completely unique and refreshing contrast to the tired hair metal of the late 80s and early 90s. My Lovely Man, a tribute to the RHCP’s late former guitarist Hillel Slovak, is a fantastic blend of a heavy rock riff in the verse juxtaposed with an intricate chorus containing Funky Bass and Drums. It’s the timelessness of Blood Sugar Sex Magik which makes it the important and relevant album that it still is today-for many young people who get into rock music today it is still a staple album to listen to due to the high quality but accessibility of its songs and the undoubting influence of John Frusciante’s Blues-Funk driven guitar. It will be the best album the Red Hot Chili Peppers will ever make- and that’s by no means an insult.